Book Jason for speaking engagements, events or appearances and let him bring the message of recovery & hope. Guilt and shame are the unnecessary chains that bind us to our past. By practicing these spiritual principles we can break those chains and achieve the freedom from our addiction that we have yearned for. Humility is the freedom from pride or arrogance and having the quality or state of being humble. In the Ninth Step, we will focus on the spiritual principles of humility, forgiveness and love.
Don’t settle for an apology.
Many alcoholics in early sobriety struggle with how to make direct amends for certain offenses against others. To help, we’ve compiled a list of examples of making amends in recovery that deal with ambiguous scenarios. But as mentioned earlier, making amends isn’t just about saying sorry and acknowledging past mistakes. Making amends with the people you’ve fallen out with as you’re thinking about mortality and what happens when you die is one way of finding emotional freedom and closure. But what happens when the person you need to make amends with dies before you’re able to apologize and change your ways? Unfortunately, this scenario plays out much too often in the lives of people who didn’t get a chance to correct their mistakes and past behaviors in time.
Guide to Step 9 and Making Amends
- But whether you choose to make living amends or traditional direct amends, there’s no denying that the ninth step doesn’t exist in a vacuum.
- Many recovery programs suggest doing so within the framework of support provided during treatment.
- These actions demonstrate a new way of living and help develop accountability, paving the way for Step 10, where amends are made immediately upon realizing harm.
- It signifies a commitment to honesty, responsibility, and healing, moving towards a brighter future for both the individual in recovery and those they have harmed.
In recovery, we can make an indirect amend with a person we harmed in the past, who since passed away, by volunteering time living amends to a cause they truly cared about in their life. Making amends involves acknowledging and correcting past behaviors. It’s a transformational part of addiction recovery that takes courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to change. I have made many amends for my past while living as an alcoholic. Amends allow me to also right the wrongs I may continue to make. It is freedom from behaviors that do not live up to the new life in sobriety I am choosing to live.
- The origin of living amends in modern use relates to addiction recovery and substance abuse treatment.
- Rebuilding trust takes time and patience, and the person in recovery must be prepared to demonstrate their commitment to change through their ongoing actions and behavior.
- Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words.
Step 4 – Why it’s Important and What a ‘Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory’ Means
This involves showing that one’s actions now align with their intentions, as opposed to the misalignment or downright manipulations that often occur during active addiction. To express regret genuinely includes acknowledging the emotional impact of one’s actions on others. Step 9 is about repairing relationships and includes actions such as apologizing to those harmed or making positive contributions to the community. It is put into practice through face-to-face interactions to address and mend the damages caused directly, head-on.
- I was hard enough to acknowledge our misdeed to another without hesitation, but what about promptly making amends to ourselves?
- 12steppers.org is not partnered or affiliated with any 12 step program or website that we link to.
- Maybe you want to learn how to do Step 9 of AA, or you’ve heard of AA’s Step 9, but you do not know how to accomplish this step – whether in AA or CR.
- If there’s anything I can do today to make things right, please let me know.
- Well, there are no half measures, and it ain’t easy… if it were easy, everyone would be doing it!
The guilt for your wrongdoings will eventually dissipate and by making an apology and amends, you will be able to let go and live. The beauty of this process for newcomers and those unsure of where to go next is that their recovery from alcoholism is outlined in twelve in-depth action steps. Many alcoholics are guided through the steps by a sponsor, but some individuals complete the steps on their own. AA’s step work has been adjusted for use in other addiction recovery programs, such as sex addiction or drug addiction. It is important to note that just because you have made amends does not mean that your relationships will be completely healed or return back to normal. In many 12-step recovery programs, making amends is an important part of the process.
Sometimes someone may refuse to hear an amends that we would like to make. When there is no possibility of making direct amends, being of service to others is our amends. In giving, we receive and gain peace in a spirit once filled with remorse and pain.
If you’re familiar with substance use recovery and 12-step programs, the idea of “living amends” might ring a bell. When you cannot directly make up for something to the person you hurt, a living amends is a decision to change your ongoing behavior in a way that is informed by the wrongdoing. Your ‘living amends’ is living in a way that that acknowledges the previous mistake by consistently living in a way that doesn’t repeat it or compensates for it. Even if you successfully finish an addiction treatment program, many individuals find themselves relapsing because they don’t have the skills necessary to maintain a sober lifestyle. A sober living program can help you gain these skills, but you may be afraid that you can’t afford this program.
It brings my week an incredible amount of fulfillment, as well as accountability, as I continue to look at my own step-work journey. This can refer to participation in a wide variety of methods. What they all have in common, is a sense that life is improving and the addict is regaining control. More and contributing to your community, you are making amends every day. This shows others, and more importantly yourself and your Higher Power, a commitment to doing good and avoiding destructive behavior in the future. This ongoing nature of making amends can lead to self-healing by alleviating the stress tied to previous behaviors, Sober living home potentially averting relapse.
